


Rarefactions

by 4vrAFangirl



Series: Marriage of Two Minds [3]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, Epistolary, Gen, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 10:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13762134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4vrAFangirl/pseuds/4vrAFangirl
Summary: Rarefactions (noun)- The region in a longitudinal wave where the particles are farthest apart.Newt writes to Hermann while he is training at the Jager Academy in Alaska





	Rarefactions

February 28th, 2016

Hey Herms,

I’m not sure that I’ll be any good at this letter writing thing, but you did give me your address to contact you until you get set up at the Academy. They’ll give you an email then, right? I mean, I know you can be a bit of a sentimentalist with your chalkboards and all (They have these things called whiteboards now, you know) and I’ll be happy to keep writing you stupid rambling letters if you like, but I’m concerned about what trying to read my scrawl might do to your eyes.

Okay, that’s bullshit, but it sounded good, right? Boyfriends ought to be concerned about things like that with their significant other, right? Are we boyfriends? I mean I get we probably haven’t been together long enough to qualify as partners or anything, but… that night, the week before you left, that meant something, didn’t it? It meant a lot to me. I- It's more selfish than that, but I don't suppose that'll come as any surprise for you. It's just, the wait between hearing from you is going to kill me. You know how impatient I can be. And I miss you.

I probably should have started with that. I miss you, Hermann. I'm keeping busy. I thought maybe that would make it easier, but the truth is that I'm not really sure what to do with myself without you here.

Sorry this isn't really much of a letter, is it? I'm not really sure what to write. It's only been a few days since you left, but it feels like forever and it doesn't feel like anything really important has happened since not since the most important person to me has left. I know sometimes you think I'm a bit overdramatic, that's probably true, but I mean it. I- Look, there's something I want to tell you. Something I should have said while you were here, but I chickened out. You going to Alaska, not being able to see you every day, it's put things into perspective and made me realize just how much I took the time we had together for granted. For all our differences, I never thought about us going our separate ways like this, and certainly not so soon. I didn't really want to. I mean, I know you said- and your goals- and everything, but I guess, I just... put it out of my mind. When I was with you, it felt like we had forever. But this- well it's important, and if I can't tell you in person anymore, then I'd rather it be the next closest thing. So, uh, write me back and let me know when you're all set up at the research station so we can video chat, or I can call you at least, okay?

Stay warm up there, alright Bärchen?

Newt

* * *

 

March 13th, 2016

Hey Herms,

Haven't heard back from you yet, but I guess that's to be expected. Snow, rain, sleet, hail and all that adage about not stopping the post never really accounted for a world with Kaijus in it. Plus, I expect you're probably pretty busy getting settled and catching all the big wigs up on your theories about the Breach. Have they gotten any closer to figuring out where it is yet? I guess you might not be able to tell me about that, huh? Never would have guessed that I'd know anybody with top security clearance levels in the government. You almost make it seem like I could be respectable too. Yeah, alright stop laughing.

Anyway, I don't want to harass you or anything. So I'll try to wait to send you any more letters until I get one back from you. Besides I have to let you catch me up, tell me all about the big important stuff you're doing up there, whether or not you've lost any extremities to frostbite yet, before I flood you with information about all the stuff I've been up too. Oh boy, more exams. That was sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell. I suppose that's kind of hard to get across in a letter.

Can't wait to hear from you.

Newt

* * *

 

April 2nd, 2016

Hermann?

I, um, I know I said I wasn't going to bug you too much. Give you a chance to let you write me back first before I pester you with useless stuff about what I've been doing here, but I still haven't heard anything. I'm not worried. Well, I'm not worried about you, I guess. Too much. All the mathematics faculty can talk about is how proud they are and all the good work you're a part of at the base helping fight the invasion. I just- I miss you.

Look it's- I'll understand if you can't, so don't worry yourself too much about it, but graduation is in a couple weeks. It's not a big deal, it's not like this is the first degree or even the first Ph.D. I've gotten, but I was thinking I might actually walk for this one this tie. If you could make it, well that would be pretty sweet. It would be great to see and talk to you again, even if you probably have to get back to saving the world shortly thereafter. I dunno, just uh, let me know okay? I think I'm going to ask for the extra ticket, just in case.

Newt

* * *

 

April 7th, 2016

Today's a bad day. Like fucking terrible.

I miss you. I miss you holding me. Telling me that I'm being ridiculous, or that everything is going to be alright in that soft and patient voice I've never heard you use with anyone else but your siblings. It made me feel... loved safe. Special somehow. Like being Like having a brain that's fucked up that doesn't quite operate- fuck it. Like having a brain that regularly turns on me isn't everything or even the worst thing in the world. Like it wasn't that big a deal. Wasn't some kind of deal-breaker for you. I trusted you. I let you in. I let you see as much as anyone ever has. More. And you stuck around. Nobody did that. Not for long. Not if they didn't have to. I was- I did okay, before. Most of the time. I was getting a handle on things. I didn't need you. So why does it feel like I'm missing something? Something really big and fucking important.

Gott, I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I fucking hate you, Hermann Gottlieb.

Why? What was the point? Why did you make me care about you if you were only going to leave me?

Why haven't you written me back? Do you hate me?

Maybe you just took longer than everybody else to come to it- I'm too much fucking work.

* * *

 

May 22nd, 2016

I was going to tell you that I love you. There, it's out there now. I know I'm an idiot. I should have said it before you left. I wanted to tell you when I could see your face, or hear your voice, at least, but it's been months now and I still haven't received any sort of reply or word from you. Not even after I sent that stupid one about hating you. Not true, obviously. I don't even know why I sent it. I'm sorry. I was angry and I just... I hoped maybe if I pissed you off enough, at least I'd get... something, you know? Maybe you don't. Doesn't matter. You didn't write me. I think it's optimistic, maybe bordering on foolish to continue to hope or expect anything now. I don't know what I did wrong. No, that's not true. I should have told you. I know I shouldn't have let you go. Not without me, at least.

But I get it. You've moved on and up in the world.

My number is finally being called up to help weigh in on everything. I thought once maybe we'd- well, it doesn't really matter anymore. I won't bother you with more letters. I don't know that you're even reading them now, but I had to say it, at least once:

I'm in love with you Hermann Gottlieb. I think maybe that I have been since we first really started getting to know and understand one another. And I think now- maybe, even if it's clear you don't feel the same or want to spend any more time dwelling on it, some part of me always will. And there's nothing you can do about it. So there.

I know I said I'm not sure you'll read this. I know maybe you don't care, or I don't have the right to ask anything of you, but I'm going to anyway. Stay safe, take care of yourself, and be happy. Please, Hermann? The world is a brighter place with your smiles. You don't have to give them away or anything. Make them work for them, but- just... stay safe, and be happy.

Love always,

Newton  


* * *

* * *

May 24th, 2025

Dear Dr. Newt Geiszler,

We regret to inform you that the letters here enclosed for one Hermann Gottlieb were unable to be delivered and were lost among many letters intended to be returned to their senders during the peak of the Kaiju attacks. The address you have listed was no longer serviceable through standard mail at that time due to a spike in Kaiju activity in the northern Pacific and along the Alaskan coastline. The United States Postal service apologizes for the inconvenience and the unexpected delay in returning this series of letters to you as it seems you had attempted several correspondences with Mr. Gottlieb during this period. We hope that you were able to find some other means of getting in touch with one another and again apologize for the inconvenience.

Sincerely,

The United States Postal Service


End file.
